Empire Adventures (ONESHOTS!)
by It's Author-Sama
Summary: Just a bunch of silly shenanigans from the Imperials we all know and love- (hate) Taking requests! :)
1. Chapter 1

**As you all can probably tell I love the Empire.**

 **Idk y I just do**

 **These characters belong to Square E and the creators :3**

Chapter one: When Ardyn is bored

The tall chancellor waltzed down the halls, humming merrily and thinking silently to himself, nothing was… exciting in the Empire at the moment per-say, he felt like causing some mischief in the little way he always did for Noctis and his gang. He fixed his hat and stepped into the Imperial bar where bottles upon bottles of alcohol, wine and other fancy brands were kept.

Ardyn looked to the counter and there, were packets of Kool-Aid, but what were these doing in such a sophisticated room? The man thought to himself, shifting through the different flavors consisting of blue raspberry lemonade, black cherry, orange and lemonade. "Now, I wonder what these are for…" he muttered aloud, picking them up and shaking a few. "No harm in playing with whoever planned on making them…" He ripped open the blue raspberry lemonade packet and dumped it into a pitcher, filling the pitcher half with water and then with some strong alcohol.

Who would be the first victim to Ardyn's games?

Now, the Chancellor practically burst into the large garage full of mechs, "good day, Loqi!" he chimed loudly, the imperial dropped his wrench and growled, "Chancellor…" the burgundy haired man laughed merrily and skipped over to Loqi, "hello there! What are you up to?" he looked over the man's shoulder, "must you poke your nose into everyone's business?" the blonde hissed as popped open a panel on the leg of his mech, "why, of course I must!"

Ardyn looked down at the tray of tools sitting on the floor, he chuckled and picked one up, "everything in here is so organized." Loqi glared at him and snatched the screwdriver from his hand, placing it back where it was. "Yes, and I'd like to keep it that way."

There was silence, Ardyn slowly made his way around the large garage, about to touch one of the mechs out in the open, "quite the beauty." He said with a smile, bringing his hand down to brush it against the red metal, "don't touch." Loqi said from the other side of the garage, Ardyn took a step back and raised his hands in the air, "alright, alright. I see where I'm not wanted. I shall go bug Ravus instead."

Loqi rolled his eyes and began organizing his tools once more, "good riddance."

"High Commander~" Ardyn called, waltzing into his office and finding the man asleep at his desk, "oh dear, guess I can't mess with him either…" he said in mock disappointment, a sinister smile overtaking his face as he grabbed a sharpie from the desk. "Or can I?"

Ardyn scribbled a monocle onto Ravus' face as well as a mole and fancy curly mustache, he snickered and grabbed a stack of _Empire Time_ magazines that the High Commander enjoyed reading and replaced them with _The Daily Hentai._

Pulling a frame of he, his mother and his sister off the desk and he replaced it with a photo of Aranea holding her lance and posing sexily. (How did Ardyn get this photo? No one knows.) The Chancellor wasn't stopping there, he grabbed Ravus' tea cup and unzipped his pants, relieving himself to the point of the cup overflowing slightly.

Ravus began to fidget and Ardyn quickly hurried out of there pondering to himself, "who next? Who next…"

Aranea lounged alongside her airship, holding a tablet and looking at the daemon bounties. "Hm, what to pick…" she muttered indecisively. "Oh Dragoon!" her mood was shattered as she heard _his_ voice. "Not you."

"Ah, yes! Back by unpopular demand… me!"

Ardyn.

"Please, go away." Aranea sighed, waving her hand motioning for him to leave her presence. "You're lucky I said please dammit." Ardyn danced over to her and looked over her shoulder as he did to Loqi, "what are you up to?"

She rolled her eyes and shut down the tablet, "whatever, get the hell out of here and leave me alone." He blinked, "you need a drink, don't you?" her eyebrow raised and she snorted, "how'd you know?" The Chancellor smiled, "come now, let's go get you a drink. I wouldn't dare do anything to you- or to annoy you." Aranea huffed and stood up, "you've already failed."

The two walked down the halls, Ardyn was surprised the dragoon actually came with him- then again, she never turns down a drink. They entered the 'drinking room' and found Loqi and Ravus, "hey, who touched my Kool-Aid?" Loqi squinted at Ardyn, "why, whatever are you doing with Kool-Aid, young Loqi?"

Ravus rolled his eyes, the permanent marker still on his face, Aranea trying her best not to collapse to the floor and die of laugher, she covered her mouth with her hand and Loqi held a finger to his lips indicating for her to not say anything. "I didn't touch your Kool-Aid, don't worry."

Loqi poured Ravus some and handed him the glass, "Ravus here has never had it in his life," the High Commander looked at it reluctantly, "I suppose I'll drink some if you do as well…" Loqi grinned and poured himself some as well, "alright, I can drink faster." "Not true, I drink faster than you, hands down." "Keep telling yourself that." Aranea rolled her eyes and grabbed a bottle, "shut up, I'm the real drinker here."

Caligo entered and stared at Ardyn, "what the hell is going on?"

Ravus and Loqi began chugging down the tall glasses of Kool-Aid. "Oh! You're missing a wonderful drinking contest!" the general face palmed, "what the hell am I going to tell the Emperor!? He requests a meeting and they're all going to come drunk!?"

"Whoa, that's different. I remember Kool-Aid being a whole lot sweeter." Loqi slurred, the alcohol already kicking in. Ravus stared at the glass, "whatever appears to be in it is quite delightful." He replied, obviously already intoxicated.

Aranea had finished her first bottle and was on to the second one. Ardyn laughed nervously, "oh dear, it would seem I've done it this time." Caligo raised an eyebrow, "what did you do Chancellor?" "YOU MUST CATCH ME BEFORE I EVER TELL YOU!" and with that the chancellor took off.

"You know what _really_ turns me on?" Loqi said drunkenly, "please tell, I'm dying to know…" Ravus managed to utter out, Ardyn had spiked that Kool-Aid with the strongest he alcohol he could find. " _Sprite._ It's so fizzy…" the young General stated, "I feel you… but I'm more into the Coke kind of fizz… you wanna know what turns _me_ on?"

Aranea rolled her eyes, they were both so weak and after the second glass they were already telling each other their kinks. "Flowers." She facepalmed, and the fact that Ravus had a poorly drawn on monocle and mustache didn't help.

"I really, _really_ like daddy kink…" Loqi slurred and Ravus nodded, "I can see you liking that…" "How about 69, that's a real turn on." "Damn right." Aranea just stared at the two, "are you both high or something?"

They were too drunk to notice her, "you know me so well bro," Loqi leaned against the High Commander (which in fact is something he never would have tolerated) "no one has ever called me bro before…" Ravus muttered, "you're my best friend…" Aranea just shook her head, "their high and no one can tell me otherwise."

"No one is really high until you've tried some of my pot brownies."

"E-Emperor Iedolas!" Aranea nearly dropped the bottle as the Emperor walked in with a plate of brownies. The sound of Ardyn's laughter from the halls could be heard and Caligo cursing at him as he chased.

"Here." Iedolas gave her a brownie and she reluctantly took a bite of it. "Holy shit, these are good."

"If we're best friends, Ravus, can I be honest with you?"

"Of course…"

"You have something on your face."

 **PM me or comment if you have a request for a one-shot!**

 **Of a certain Imperial**

 **Of multiple Imperials**

 **or some happy shit that involves Imperials**

 **:)**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm**

 **so**

 **so**

 **very sorry. Life is just..**

 **so... busy. I haven't been on since like A LONG TIME. And I sorry.**

 **I shall fulfill a request I got a really long time ago. It's going to be shorter than most of mine, I usually strive to make things 1k+**

 **so I'll come back to this and update it. I just want to get it out there.**

 **Square E owns the characters**

Chapter two: Revenge is sweet

Ravus was in fact, in a very bad mood that day. But really, if you asked anyone they would tell you he's never in a pleasant one. He'd washed his teacup several times just to make sure no remnants of Ardyn still lingered, he threw the frame which contained a photo of Aranea out the window as well as

Loqi looked at the High Commanders desk noting that numerous items were missing from it, poor man must be paranoid. "I will never drink your 'cool laid' again." Ravus stated as he moved the folders to his 'shred' pile. The Brigadier general rolled his eyes and took them out of the pile. "It's Kool-aid. And yes, I'm sure everyone is salty at him. He's an annoying bastard." he muttered while he stood up to leave. "Tummelt." Stopping with a silent groan, Loqi turned around and raised an eyebrow, "yes, sir?"

"You wouldn't happen to have any... I don't know... spray paint?"

With a scoff, Loqi turned, "if I did, why would I give any to you?" Ravus drummed his fingers on his desk and looked around, knowing Ardyn could be lurking anywhere. He motioned for him to come close and grabbed a scrap of paper, scribbling something on it and handing it to Loqi, rolling his eyes, Loqi took the paper and opened it.

'Meet me by Ardyn's car at 4am tomorrow morning with the spray paint'

His eyes widened, never had he thought the High Commander would be so thirsty for revenge. Looking up he noted Ravus staring at him- and almost looking like he was trying to do puppy dog eyes. "Fine." he muttered and exited to room, turning the corner only to be surprised by Aranea. "Why were you two being so hush hush in there?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow. "Nothing, Commodore," Loqi replied, really not in the mood to deal with her. "I was sure Ravus was gay but you? I always thought of you as... I don't know... the player with all the ladies- are you bise-" Loqi glared at her, "I'm going to stop you right there."

"At least tell me what you two were talking about." Aranea huffed. "Fine. We're going to vandalise Ardyn's car." Her eyes went wide, "you know you could be fired, right?" Loqi rolled his eyes, (he seems to do that a lot in his daily routine) "of course I know that. That's why we're doing it at four in the morning when the lazy asshole is asleep." The dragoon stood silent for a moment. "If you even think of telling anyone I'll put you to sleep then sell you for good money." he hissed.

Aranea blinked, "can I join you?" Stopping in his tracks, Loqi turned to her, "you, want to help us, vandalise Ardyn's car?" she shrugged, "hey, why not? He's an annoying bastard, and it'll be fun."

"You could get fired."

"What do I have to lose?"

"Your title."

"Eh, count me in."

Loqi sighed, entering his mech garage and making his way towards the supply area, 'what have I gotten myself into' he thought to himself as he unlocked the door, which behind it lay countless parts, supplies, tools and paints. He walked down the paint aisle and examined all the colors- all he really had was grey-blue, camo green, red and white. But a certain can caught his eye, 'sparkly pink' he deadpanned for a moment, looking at the four bottles. 'cheerful yellow' 'sparkly princess pink' 'happy go lucky green' and 'orange' ... yep just orange. "Why the hell did I buy these?"

Ah, that's right. He'd used them to paint hearts on Ravus' personal airship.

-4 am-

Aranea yawned as she sat in front of Ardyn's car, looking at her watch. "Men." she rolled her eyes and leaned back on the bench. "This was your idea, why should I have to do that?" she heard someone hiss in the distance. "But your the one with the technical knowhow-" "Fine! You remove his car cover then."

The dragoon sat up to see the two men arguing as they trudged through the snow, both wearing sweaters and scarves. "Ah, Aranea." Ravus commented, "yo, High Commander." she nodded, watching him gently remove the cover from Ardyn's 'baby' Loqi groaned and hopped in. "Thankfully, it only goes off if you touch the outside of the car..." he sighed. Aranea raised an eyebrow, "so, why didn't it go off when Ravus took off the cover?" Loqi rolled his eyes, "why don't you ask the car?"

He began tinkering with the inside of the car until it chirped, "disabled." he said and hopped out, shoving Ravus towards it. "Touch it." "I don't want to." "Don't be a baby."

Ravus huffed and slapped his hand onto the car. "You could've poked it but that works too."

The spray paints were lined up, they each grabbed a can and went to town. Aranea grinned as she painted the entire window sparkling green, "he's going to be so pissed." Ravus had made the tires entirely pink with orange polka dots, "where's your guys creativity?" Loqi asked cockily as they looked at his rather professional looking hearts. "Damn." Aranea muttered, "yes I vandalised things when I was younger." Ravus squinted at the hearts, "I think I've seen that style somewhere before..."

Loqi grabbed some snow off the ground and threw it at Ravus' face while Aranea was drawing a... something... on the hood.

Soon, Ardyn's car was covered in art and the three were having a snow ball fight.

Ardyn yawned, rolling out of bed. "I wonder if senpai will notice me today!~" he squealed, opening his pantry. "Well darn. Out of cinnamon bread. Guess I should take the old girl out to he bakery!"

Grabbing his car keys, Ardyn exited his living area and towards the parking lot. "Good morning-" he began but dropped his keys when his eyes were greeted with his beloved car- ruined.

"Don't worry girl... I'll fix this.." he pet the car as he was slightly panicked, "I demand to know who did this..." his eye was twitching as he looked around.

"Is it permanent?" Ravus asked Loqi, who was sitting in his office drinking coffee. "I'm not that mean." Loqi muttered, watching Ravus sip his tea and muttered; "tea is for the weak"

 **I will change around a few things in this chapter but for now,**

 **I hope you enjoyed it :)**

 **Maybe the next chapter will have something to do with Ardyn's 'senpai'**


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